You know, your mind is muddled with clutter this very moment and would unabashedly remain so, for all the yet-to-arrive, be-here-soon moments, and “it is going to be alright” sounds too cliched to even believe in, anymore.
You know that you are so petrified of losing everything that you make endless lists in your phone’s crappy memo everyday, to just keep your shit together but yet again it dwindles to no use at all( like it always does!) as there are two or more items still rotting unchecked, still plaguing the daunting list at the end of the day.
You know your soul is burning like camphor inside, and all the smoke is making breathing difficult and yet you manage to live another day, with all the heavy weight pounding on your chest, like an illegal assault upon your existence.
You know, no matter how hard you try to bait your attention into making room for TV series or reality shows or travel itineraries, it weirdly always ends up thronging the memory of the tragic situation that blew up your dreams like a detonator pumping life into a dynamite, and there went your whole life, whooosh! (notwithstanding how you had always envisioned it to be!), bursting into splinters up in the sky. Nowadays, you do nothing but nurse the hollow, freshly carved inside you, eating away at your flesh, stinging you to the bones.
You call up your friends and seek good advice and no matter if you are bombarded with a ton of healthy tips, to each one of which, ofcourse you nod away restlessly and without fail, but no sooner than you put the phone down, welcome home bitches! you are back to square one, trembling at the edge, scrambling for your life.
It’s not like you don’t want to move on and live happily ever after with a broad smile stamped on your face, like people around you (who would not want that!). BUT it is far more difficult to even pretend you are happy when rather that one memory is now haunting you for the umpteenth time and you just cannot shake it away, pull it out of your mind and walk ahead.
You know you cannot undo the past but clinging onto it is just fucking with your present and possibly erasing any prospects of a good future, and you know, you know all this down to your very core and you yet cannot save yourself, anyway.
Welcome to rock bottom.